The End

Hello, blogosphere. I have some news.

I know I have been absent from writing on this blog and visiting others. Usually this would cause me grief and even guilt, but lately, not so much. You see, my ghosts, I think my blogging days have reached a sorrowful but honest conclusion.

It isn't as if I dislike blogging. In fact, I quite enjoy writing about my days or ranting in righteous anger, or even simply pondering this reality I have accepted. I will continue to do that as I have been doing in my absence: writing for myself. I love my blog and everything about it, but I don't feel I need to devote specific time or be accountable to my blog or anyone else with such writing. I get the same satisfaction and pleasure and release from writing privately as I did from this blog, so I am going to continue to pursue that medium in the freedom and tradition of my own handwriting. It's saddening but realistic.

My blog itself is a lizard. You ghosts may not know that very well, but I have always referred to it as my lizard blog. He is passing on. I'm sorry, my beautiful, dedicated, cherished lizard, but I'm saying good bye to you. I'll miss you and think of you when I write in my writing book.

I'm not going to delete my blog and I'll keep reading the blogs I like, but I'll no longer consider myself a blogger. Perhaps I'll come back to it later on, or perhaps all my writing will grow old and dusty with me as my only re-reader forever. I'm at peace with either outcome. While I know this blog isn't particularly known by anyone, it does have a few loyal readers who deserve to know that I am legitimately done blogging. I look back at my most eager blogging days with satisfaction and my best writing with pleasure. I'll no longer think, "That would be a good blog." I'll just write it down and be happy with that, and share it with my friends if it's something worth sharing. Without further ado, I bid a bittersweet farewell to my internet love knowing the blogosphere will keep on trucking with dutiful endurance.

<3

Good Morning Vietnam!

Ha, ha, ha. I make that my title because it is what the character Michael Scott says on The Office when he starts a speech, and we have been watching a lot of The Office lately since I am now *trumpet sounds* at Chloe's!

Been taking pictures and hanging with clients. It's a good time and I would prefer for this to be a photo post rather than words because I think that is more effective for this scenario, but I forgot my necessary technology at home and thus I cannot upload any photos today. It will have to be when I get home, probably on Sunday, which is the day after I get home.

So far this week we have achieved incredible feats: I've had very substantial breakfasts every day, I've woken up early to go work out, I worked out after working all day (which is saying something, because nobody likes to do that) and, the biggest of all, I crossed a huge bridge and lived to tell the tale.

I'm very proud of myself. I am afraid of crossing bridges, most of them, and this was no ordinary, light-traffic, five-second Collingwood bridge crossing a river or ravine: it was a very, very long bridge with lots of fast-moving traffic (including BUSES and TRUCKS which are freaky to have speed past you even when you aren't walking across a death trap) that took a long to cross and it was passing over even more traffic while simultaneously being on a mountain. The first time we went up the mountain I was panicking. I was already hot and breathless from biking uphill toward the mountain as it was, and it only got worse as we got off of our bikes and hauled them up the bridge on the WRONG effing side of the road because there is no sidewalk on the SAFE side with all this freaky traffic surrounding me and we were all close to the edge and there's cracks in the sidewalk so it must mean the bridge is falling apart and my helmet will come off and go over the edge and I will be upset and the whole world will end and the guy who is standing on the bridge looking suicidal is going to grab me and hurl the both of us over the edge and I'll die knowing my fear was entirely rational.

I actually cried a little bit crossing that bridge.

Part of me, after reaching the sweet mercy of solid earth, wanted to stop moving and sit down and cry and be scared and dwell on my frantic emotions but I'm glad we kept moving, because we had a client to see and it gave me a chance to calm down and pep talk myself and have internal solution meetings.

Fuck.

So, a feat indeed. I am still horrified at the prospect of crossing bridges, particularly that one, but somehow I know I should be glad I made it. Going back down wasn't as bad because we were biking and it was downhill so it went quickly, but the traffic was more frightening since I was closer to it and the tire is sort of warped so it looked like it was going to wiggle right off at the high speed and was scaring the crap out of me. However, I did it, and...that is a big deal.

I met three clients I didn't meet last time. One of them commissioned me to beat some songs on Rock Band because I am an all-star, one had flavoured coffee which isn't really my thing but I drank a lot of it and the other is a Chloe-described "horndog" who "likes anyone that is good-looking". I was presented this description by Chloe when I asked her if he liked me. I don't mean to make him sound bad because he is very good, but I thought I would share that tidbit with you. This is Chloe's refreshingly bright and pleasant perspective.

In other news, we are using the computers at McMaster University because Chloe has no internet, as mentioned in my "Right About Now" thing over there, and Facebook isn't working! AUUUUUUGH. This is a disaster. I was in the middle of several conversations with people I haven't seen all week and I wanted to write on the walls of those who weren't on! I would call them but I don't know when anybody is home, which is usually never, and I don't want to make them call me back long-distance just to talk when we could do it for free on Facebook. Sigh. Truly unfortunate.

Oh, and if I didn't already mention, I did audition for that musical and, what I know I haven't mentioned, is that I did get a part! Woo! So did my friends CJ and Carly! This is awesome. CJ got a really awesome part. We are doing "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and CJ is Charlie's Grandpa! Isn't that sweet? He's like the main male other than Willy Wonka, but he I think probably does even more than Willy in some aspects. I'm so happy for him. I'm Mrs Teavee, Mike Teavee's mother. She has a singing part apparently in the musical version that I don't know about at all, but that's good! Mike Teavee is the last kid to get kicked out anyway so that means more stage time. I am also super-excited! Carly plays one of the Grandmothers. I'll bet she's the grouchy one. So, success. Eventful days ahead.

And guess what else this means?

Musical mania is back, baby!

Let's start living again.

Yowza!

These are some things I must say:

I feel that if you list yourself as "in a relationship" on Facebook and people say 'congratulations', rather than, say, 'who is it' or 'that's cute' or something, it is probably a bad sign. I would take that as an unintentional insult. Like you've been working your whole life for a relationship and you finally got it.

I love toasted buns for my veggie burgers.

I can't take Tom Cruise seriously. Do people take him seriously? Honestly, it's hard for me to even consider him as attractive as I know he really is.

I am a Seinfeld-ite. There are certain shows I know I could not watch more than one of, Law & Order, for instance, but I could honestly watch Seinfeld episodes consecutively for probably twelve hours and be wholly entertained; even deeply satisfied.

When someone at home cooks bacon, I miss it. When I cook bacon at work, it looks so little like meat that missing it doesn't even occur to me.

I am afraid of my microwave. I just used it a little while ago and it did the buzzing noise microwaves do when there is metal inside so I opened it, terrified of the noise and flashing of the light and vibrating, and there was a panel of something sticking out of the microwave wall and it was on fire. It was small and went out quickly, but still. My microwave was on fire inside and then it smoked for about a minute afterwards. The upside of this is that I had to thaw my burger buns in the oven and discovered I like them better that way. The veg burgers themselves taste the same.

I'm also afraid of using blenders. I don't know why, but it has always terrified me. I'm just so afraid the little tiny high-powered engine inside will combust and I will be bleeding all over with shards of blender machinery spliced throughout my anatomy and the blood will mix in with the milkshake and make me not like milkshakes. Mostly it's the explosion and bleeding I'm afraid of though. This is unfortunate, since at work we make smoothies in blenders, and it is summer so they are rather popular. Every time I have to make a smoothie I get incredible anxiety. The other day my worst fear almost happened sort of because some IDIOT, I mean, my boss, put the little stopper thing of the blender lid in upside down and I didn't notice (I mean honestly, why on Earth would I check for that? Perhaps I have too much faith in human ability.) and then when I turned the blender on the stopper FELL IN and the smoothie splattered out all over the place and the plastic stopper was in the smoothie trying to be liquefied. I screeched and managed to somehow turn it off. My boss came over and made the smoothie because I was in such a state. He was laughing his ass off at me, of course, but I have never been more genuinely horrified in my whole life. It was awful.

With Desire

I feel another productive day coming on. Don't you just love those?

So, I have much going on. Today I work at eleven but I woke up forty-five minutes before my alarm which has allowed me time to write a blog before I leave. Excellent start! Now I'm eating coffee flavoured yogurt that is so delicious and watermelon that has conveniently been pre-rinded by somebody so I don't have to carry out my compost. Woo lazy! I took this shift for someone else and it's only four hours, so when I get home at a mere three in the afternoon I will begin packing for my adventure.

Packing, you say? Adventure, you say? Why, yes, both of those things were not typos, surprisingly. I'll be packing for my adventure to Chloé's! Yay! I will be visiting for a week as I did last March Break and seeing all of her wonderful clients and living the life of Chloé for seven days, which I suppose can be described as "living large in Hamilton", and which you can also experience the bloggy way on her energy-efficient, black backgrounded blog, Science, Tea and Cats. I don't think she meant for it to be energy efficient, but I thought I'd point it out anyway.

So yes! I am quite excited for that sisterly bonding session. Perhaps we will do crazy things like make videos of our days and then make videos of ourselves watching our days and then make yet more videos of ourselves watching ourselves watch our days. Pretty crazy, right? Ha, ha, ha, we actually did that last year. Only in our family, I think. I doubt I'll be coming home with a new hairdo this time though.

Back to today's plans, though: After I pack, at least a little bit of packing (not that I should pack too much, as I learned last year, since it will be slept on by the cats and subsequently covered in cat hair which equals lots of laundry, plus we'll be biking a lot so I won't wear too nice of clothes to sweat in [this means few clothes because most of my clothes are nice]), I will be hanging out with Katelyn as she also gets off work at three today, and we shall do something or other (of stupendous proportions, of course) until eight-ish, at which point I will transfer to Simon and we are either going to hang out in some way (which will probably include video games!) or we will attend a party if he found one for us (which will probably include dancing!) and then I will go home and sleep and sleep and sleep.

And then tomorrow will be upon me, like a wave upon the shore, and I will start that day, hopefully with as much vigour and ambition as today began.

And This is Why They Love Me

I was home alone after having amde a second trip downtown to buy cat food, and I thought, I know, since I'm at home doing nothing, I shall be wonderful and make the Tofurkey feast that is in the freezer by its lonesome!

Then I read the instructions and I found out that the roast must either be thawed in the fridge for 24 hours or cooked for over 3 hours if from frozen. I saw that the time was around 7 and decided a feast at 1030 was sort of redundant, so I put it in the fridge for tomorrow night after work (which means a feast around 930, but nonetheless).

So I was searching the fridge and I said I shall make a dijon vegetarian chick'n breast for myself. Then I read the back of that package for teh sake of it, simply because I never have, and it suggested serving it with potatoes and broccoli. And then I thought: I shall make a feast indeed.

We didn't have broccoli so I made carrots instead. Plus I like carrots better than broccoli. I boiled them, made little tiny potato things in the oven with oil and basil and salt and pepper (I forgot garlic. Can you believe it?) and made the chick'n dijon breast for me and salmon for the mother. Then I cleaned up the whole kitchen, vacuumed the kitchen and living room, wiped the dining room table and set it for two with artificial candle light (because I couldn't find matches). I put on dinner music and brought out some delicious wine.

Need I say more?

It was delicious. Then I had a delicious peanut butter fudge bar thing from the batch of peanut butter fudge bar things I made the other day (they are so, so, so delicious and so, so, so bad for you) for dessert and Baileys on ice. I feel awesome. Now I am going to go to Katelyn's to swim and eat probably not very much but eating is mandatory when I hang out with...actually, it's pretty much mandatory no matter what I'm doing, except working. I eat all the time. Regardless, it shall be glorious.

Oh! Also, Simon discovered my Guitar Hero prowess the other night and I totally PWNED him. And it was a version of GH I've never even played! He beat me at DBZ (Dragon Ball Z), though, unfortunately. However, I will say that he had been playing that version of DBZ a long time before I went over and I'd never played that version before. I think I did okay for a first try.

ANYWAY. I hope you guys had as productive a day as I did. Oh, did I mention I worked out and dropped off resumes, too? Yeah. Good day.

My Favourite Things

I was tagged, like every follower of Unexpected Surprises (yet aren't all surprises unexpected?), in the post in which the blogger takes photos of their favourite things in their house and shares it with everyone. It's a cheesy thing, but I thought it was also a nice thing, and I hereby tag Chloé at Science, Tea and Cats and Elizapaa at Off the Page to do the same. I'm interested to see if the favourite things at Chloé's are also my favourite things at Chloé's. It may take a while since Chloé has camera issues these days and Elizapaa hasn't post in over a month, but we shall see. Here you see my sort of not clean bedroom, the best room I know.

Paintbrushes, paint water cup, palette, and my lovely scarf.

Then, fabulous powder that softens your skin and smells nice and is very girl.

Moisturizer. This stuff saves my life post-shower.

All things lacy, with bows, ruffles and flowery patterns. Doesn't sound like me, right? Well, this is only true for my underwear, which has a drawer all to itself (not enough room for bras and underwear to share).

A

fabulous magnet that I think Chloé got me, actually.

My white board, cork board and random pouches. Very messy looking and very filled with great stuff, including two Dominican postcards from Katelyn, an old postcard from Iqualuit (then Frobisher Bay), a Body Works postcard-thing from Chloé and pictures of the greatest people in my life (like my siblings, my mom, and Katelyn...and the Joker).

The fridge.

And awesome things inside the fridge, like this life force of mine.

An incredibly warm and unique blanket Chloé made.

My cat Cheerio.

The Piano.

Jonas, as in Jonas Giesel Thompson, who is my gorgeous bass.

A JGT photo shoot (he needs a haircut).

Tripping

I intentionally didn't absorb the details of my surroundings as I normally would. I let the walls blur past me, let the chairs exist in the background, let the bustle of workers go relatively unnoticed. I have had too much experience in hospitals to care what any of them look, sound or smell like. They all serve the same basic purpose in the end, and they all have the same smell, too.

I waited for her MRI to finish so we could leave. I deserved some serious brownie points for this: I came along for her MRI just to keep her company on the long drives there and back, as well as waiting for almost an hour long procedure to conclude in the smallest waiting room I've ever been in early in the morning with virtually no food in my system. Plus, I absolutely hate being in hospitals, both for bad memories and the fear of subject matter (as in things that would make me faint), so sitting around in one is always awful, even if I'm not the patient. I feel my blood pressure rise as soon as I enter and noticeably decrease when I leave.

But this is not about my hospital issues.

I am fortunately a rather patient person, which is a good quality to posses in a waiting room, particularly when I know that end the end of my wait lies not something that could solve a health problem but another long drive home. I am also a well-prepared waiter. I almost always bring something of my own to read, both for the typical lack of decent material found in such places and for my own distraction should an unpleasant subject (such as graphic discussions of medical procedures and other such blood-oriented topics) arise in the conversation of other waiting folks, which has happened in the past. Today I brought a book I had been reading for a few days. Unfortunately, I finished it, so for the last ten minutes or so I was left with nothing to do but stare around the room, unless I went over to the side table and grabbed a magazine. I didn't do that though, because I wasn't in the mood for cluttering my mind.

I stared straight ahead at a wall that was depressingly empty. It seemed to serve as a closet, with a few pathetic metal coat hangers hanging from an awkwardly placed rack. Given that it was around 35 degrees outside and humid this rack was not in use. As much as I didn't want to, I had to absorb this room. I didn't like the book enough to read it again, and I had already read all the thank-yous in the back and even the publication information just to keep occupied. So I looked around at other walls, since this one held no promise for further probing.

The wall to my left had a nauseatingly posed photograph that was enlarged and plaqued, the image being of an extremely happy doctor with an extremely happy patient sitting on a MRI bed looking up at him and an extremely happy nurse standing behind the patient. Not only were the smiles forced, but so was the very picture itself. It seemed like it knew how ridiculous it all was and just wanted to fall off the wall behind the chairs and let the dust hide its shame.

Behind me was a strange triangular canvas with a variety of neon swirls and textures. I didn't look closely at it because it was weird to look behind me. I felt creepy.

To my right was the door, and on the wall a little framed piece of paper explaining how great the hospital is. I tried to read it but couldn't.

There were no windows.

I turned back to the wall in front of me. It was still blank, pitiably so, and I stared into it very hard and very long. It got to the point where random colours would appear on the wall and it seemed to be moving.

Then I noticed some bins on the ground. They were green translucent plastic, filled with plastic toys for children to play with while waiting. I stared at that instead, wondering where on earth the children would play, because in this tiny cave there was certainly no space to have any fun. Other patients would be stepping all over everything. I felt bad for the toys. So few children probably ever even came in here, and when they did, they probably didn't play very much, or at all.

To the left of the bins was one of those toys that are long pieces of coloured metal that swirl in different directions, mounted on a block of wood with bright, different-shaped wooden beads to slide along the metal strand. Both ends of the strand are mounted into the wood so the beads never go missing. This one had four tracks. I remembered when I was very young how much I loved playing with those. I loved the colours and the rises and falls of the metalwork, how it felt like I was controlling a miniature roller coaster. Or like one side of the metal was one of the bead's houses and the other bead lived on the other side and they would visit each other or get mad and run away from each other. I remember liking symmetry when I left the toy; I never wanted to leave the beads in mid-game position. I liked there to be an equal amount of beads on each side of an individual track, and if there was an odd number of beads, I would put one in the middle of the track. The odd time I would put all of the beads, from every track, off to one side like they were about to race. Usually not. Usually they were symmetrical, nice and lined up, perfectly organised and placed to depict my masterful and, at the time, very pertinent vision.

I stared at the toy, wondering if other children played like I did, if other children found the loops and squiggles as fascinating and consuming. Maybe other children fell in love with toys they would never take home. Maybe it was just me.

At long last, she came out of the room and looked at me sitting there. I asked if she was done, which was a useless question. She said let's go. Then she said she needed a coffee. Then I said I needed some food. Then we walked out of the room and left the other waiters to themselves.

Wet Air

You know how you walk past a car that was recently on and the air is uncomfortably warm?


The whole WORLD feels like that today.

It's truly horrid outside. The air is so thick I can bite it. It feels like I'm breathing clouds. I had my first shift at my new job today (nice people, nice change) and thank goodness it's air conditioned, but my journey home at 4pm was gruesome. I was wearing work clothes, naturally, and since I work in food, naturally I was wearing long pants and close-toed, ugly, non-slip kitchen shoes. Well, let me say, walking even the short distance home was a humongous effort and I was sweating an absolutely disgusting amount. My legs felt so heavy and my hair felt like a fur coat, which is saying something because it's short and was up. My glasses kept sliding down my perspiring nose and my bag seemed to be gaining weight with every exhausting step. In any other circumstance this walk home would have been fine, perhaps even enjoyable, but it was so effing humid I couldn't think about anything except taking my clothes off and drinking a very, very, very large glass of water in my nice, air conditioned living room. Oh, and going pee, because I had to do that too. I became extremely dehydrated on that short stroll home, yet even though I was only out of doors for about fifteen minutes I felt as though my walk was endless. The moisture in the air must have been all the hydration in me that was sucked out. It was probably 38 degrees out there with the humidity factored in.

When I got home I was deeply, deeply relieved. I shut teh door behind me and flung my shoes and bag to the ground, then proceeded to strip down before I even got into my room. The Walking Strip. I put on a dress to allow for air circulation, went pee, drank two glasses of water, walked the dog and then passed out on the couch for two and a half hours. Woo napping! I have troubles napping, for those ghosts who don't know, so napping is a woo. I awoke feeling groggy but eventually thoroughly refreshed and it was awesome.

Ate vegetables, drank Bailey's, ate pasta, drank water.

Work again tomorrow. Hopefully thinner air.

Good night, ghosts. Haunt respectfully.

More Photos because I Try

Obnoxiously large ice cream cone. They had Tigertail! My favourite that nobody sells any more!

Katelyn got chocolate varieties, of course.

This is for Chloé: Young Katelyn looking like Ann in a bumper car.

Les Photos

Callie, Alexandria, Katelyn

Explosive pita

Another killed tree. Another one. GRahurefjkgh.

Alexandria's apartment mailboxes

On the go in the bathroom!

Very concentrated

Lovely sidewalks, haven't we?

Something on her pantaloons

Toast grater

Callie food

Only in Katelyn's fridge.