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17 July 2010


These are some things I must say:

I feel that if you list yourself as "in a relationship" on Facebook and people say 'congratulations', rather than, say, 'who is it' or 'that's cute' or something, it is probably a bad sign. I would take that as an unintentional insult. Like you've been working your whole life for a relationship and you finally got it.

I love toasted buns for my veggie burgers.

I can't take Tom Cruise seriously. Do people take him seriously? Honestly, it's hard for me to even consider him as attractive as I know he really is.

I am a Seinfeld-ite. There are certain shows I know I could not watch more than one of, Law & Order, for instance, but I could honestly watch Seinfeld episodes consecutively for probably twelve hours and be wholly entertained; even deeply satisfied.

When someone at home cooks bacon, I miss it. When I cook bacon at work, it looks so little like meat that missing it doesn't even occur to me.

I am afraid of my microwave. I just used it a little while ago and it did the buzzing noise microwaves do when there is metal inside so I opened it, terrified of the noise and flashing of the light and vibrating, and there was a panel of something sticking out of the microwave wall and it was on fire. It was small and went out quickly, but still. My microwave was on fire inside and then it smoked for about a minute afterwards. The upside of this is that I had to thaw my burger buns in the oven and discovered I like them better that way. The veg burgers themselves taste the same.

I'm also afraid of using blenders. I don't know why, but it has always terrified me. I'm just so afraid the little tiny high-powered engine inside will combust and I will be bleeding all over with shards of blender machinery spliced throughout my anatomy and the blood will mix in with the milkshake and make me not like milkshakes. Mostly it's the explosion and bleeding I'm afraid of though. This is unfortunate, since at work we make smoothies in blenders, and it is summer so they are rather popular. Every time I have to make a smoothie I get incredible anxiety. The other day my worst fear almost happened sort of because some IDIOT, I mean, my boss, put the little stopper thing of the blender lid in upside down and I didn't notice (I mean honestly, why on Earth would I check for that? Perhaps I have too much faith in human ability.) and then when I turned the blender on the stopper FELL IN and the smoothie splattered out all over the place and the plastic stopper was in the smoothie trying to be liquefied. I screeched and managed to somehow turn it off. My boss came over and made the smoothie because I was in such a state. He was laughing his ass off at me, of course, but I have never been more genuinely horrified in my whole life. It was awful.

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