Go Read Watchmen. Sooooo Good.

So, I tried to de-lame-ify Katelyn's gift, and I hope it worked. It's more personalised, so, yes. Fingers crossed.
Except when I am I ever going to give it to her? We haven't had a date or even just a hanging out in five or six days. That is a long, long time for me, considering I don't usually go longer than a day without seeing her, and even then, I talk to her on the phone or msn. But no, there has been no phone or msn, and truth be told (as sad and needy and pathetic as it may sound), I'm getting kind of lonely. Rachel has called, once for me to vent on her (but she ended up venting on me and then it turned into a barrel of laughs and a plot against Joel), another to invite me to the movies tonight, which I really appreciated, but I had to work. And we've made plans to spend New Year's together with Batman and popcorn. And Burm took me skating on Saturday, which was amazing. Burm, you pulled me out of wallowing loneliness yesterday. You are my shining light, you gleaming knight in armour!
Anyway. So I know that makes it seem like my loneliness is not justified, but really, a call is a call, and skating was fun and great, but I haven't had the chance to just sit and talk with a friend in a while. Too long. Rachel said I seem so independent that people assume it's okay when I'm by myself, which it is, because I am independent, but even the strongest of us need someone to lean on now and then. And I miss having that.
Doggone it, I miss my soulmate.
I love you Burm, and enjoy your company.
I love you Rachel, and I definitely always enjoy your phone calls.
But it's not the same as being with you physically, Rachel, and Wednesday seems like a long way off from here.
Man alive Katelyn, why'd you disappear on me. I love you more than I thought, I suppose. More than you thought.
That must be quite a lot.
Because I'm feeling very lonely.

I Am Blessed

Despite the immense fury that fumed within me the other day, I know that I have a good and great life filled with many blessings.
My rights, for example. I am evidently entitled to basic human rights, as I am more or less a human, but I have many freedoms, such a speech and liberty of person. I have the right of association, which I always take for granted. Imagine if you weren't allowed, by law for corn's sake, to just be with who you wanted to be with? Or be in a group or club or attend meetings or have an individual political standing? It would be NUTS. It would be...miserable. I love this country. Well, parts of it. I can't say I'm too big on the whole conservative party-Stephen Harper-failure of government-coalition government-prorogued government-bad news government dealio, but that shall change soon, I imagine. I hope.
I am blessed with my crazed and loud family, who, despite all the picking-upon of the youngest child that goes on all the time, I know love me and to whom I return the love. And the snarky comebacks.
I'm blessed with my cute little pets. Cheerio, what with his outrageous, overpowering yet typically feline personality, and his wonderfully soft, clean fur (which is as spotless as it is because of his obsession with cleaning himself every ten minutes or so), and the way he lands too loud for a cat and the way he drools like a dog when he's happy. I love that cat. He's wonderful. And of course my cutest wee, Clara, the darlingest little one of all. So pathetic, so wimpy, so obedient, so intelligent. Such a loyal companion is she! Muah. I do love my little Clarabelle. Those two know when I'm up and when I'm down.
The other two cats are kind of just dumb, but they're cute too, in their own ways. Their mother did go kind of crooked, after all. It's too bad, really. Had to give her away.
I'm blessed with talents, with happiness, with so much. With art of all kinds. With writing (not that it's necessarily evident on this blog thinger). I do love my life. Most of all, I am blessed with the presence of God in my life. I pour myself out to him and love him and worship him, and I'm so eternally thankful that he loves me and has given me faith and a family who supports my faith, and everything else I do, too. I love you, God, and can never thank you enough for the way you have changed, continue to change and will change my life.

"On Fire"
Switchfoot

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries

I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery

PLEASE

I hate being angry. I hate being bitter. Anger and bitterness only creates more anger and bitterness, and really, I was having quite an enjoyable day until a little PROBLEM cropped up, a problem with a knack for getting under my skin and STAYING there, no less.
I don't want to be like this. I don't! I don't want her to feel the way she does, but what am I supposed to do? Go on pretending like I actually want to spend time with her? I wanted to be charitable this Christmas and hang out with her, but then I couldn't do it, because I just don't like her any more and she DOESN'T GET IT. Besides, why does she want to be my charity case so bad? It's sort of evident that it's a pity party, so why does she WANT it so bad. "You've been avoiding me for years" she says. Yes, yes I have, so sorry if I'd rather not while away the time with you, little miss unhappy. Sorry if I've tried to be kind to you, honestly and truly, if only from a distance. What will being close to you do? Just create more disappointment when I break it to you that I want out of the constraints of this "friendship"?
I'm sorry! I'll talk to you on facebook, I'll sympathise on msn, for pete's sake I'll listen to you drone on the phone for three hours but please understand I have a life and I just don't want you to keep me from living it. Please just stop grasping at fleeting hopes. For your own sake. For my sanity.
Please just understand.

What a PLEASANT Boxing Day

Sometimes people need to take a hint without trying to guilt another person into not giving the hint.
Friends might help solve this problem.
Another person may not want to be rude or anything, but some person doesn't need to go and be passing out the guilt trips and anger because she is incapable of understanding the lack of real friendship between such people. Friendships disappear and some person out there needs to deal with it, mainly by not forcing a friendship on another person. What if that person is no longer interested in that friendship's existence, as is the case? Maybe some person is just too depressing to want to be around, or perhaps they are too pushy or maybe they even come from a psycho family another person may just not want to face and be patronised by. Maybe people change and just have different interests than they used to.
But then again, maybe not. Maybe another person is just avoiding some person because she wants to be cruel, and mean, and hates some person's guts so much she loves to see that person feel lonesome and angry, because that of course makes the most sense. Maybe another person enjoys seeing some person's pain?
However, whatever it is some person thinks, another person knows is not true or sensible or even rational, and another thing another person knows: some person needs to GET A GRIP ON REALITY and realise that another person is not the child she used to be, and some person must FACE THE FACTS about her so difficult and miserable life, what with the starvation and lack of a home to live in and lack of clean drinking water or freedom.
Oh wait, some person has those things.
I guess her life isn't so SHITTY after all.

Christmas Eve and Day

I can't believe Christmas has already happened. I got lots of good gifts, had a lots of fun last night with Trevor and Jena and everyone and I ate English muffins and an avocado for breakfast. It was fabulous. Here are lots of wonderful pictures I took. My favourite gift of all was the book I gave Chloé, and my favourite gift to me was season four of Futurama from Courtie. And season five of Corner Gas. And my new bra! And Chloé's painting to me! Obviously. How did I manage to forget that. Thank you lovely family. I love you guys so much. Happy Christmas!




Good morning family





Trevor!





Trevor's amazing and adorable gift to Chloé













The carnivore's turkey was in the bathtub. Too good to miss.




This is dad modeling Chloé's gift to Court, which was her perfectly hand-knit scarf, which is so perfect it's sickening.




Chloé knitting



Titled Spider
"To Callie, my favourite sister. Merry Christmas."



Katelyn's fabulous artwork





there's a lot of Courtland pictures, because he likes to be in the spotlight.



"There's a yam in my trunk!"

More England Photos

Just thought I would put a few more photos from England. We took so many, I'll never get them all on here! The above one is outside of Buckingham Palace



a view from a bridge in....hm...I can't remember! But I spent a lot of money at that place.




Windsor Castle! That's the place. There is a market beside Windsor Castle, and that is where I spent a lot of money. I ate lunch at the Cinnamon Cafe and it was realllly good.




Courtland and I at Windsor Castle, just after the changing of the guard

So Far So Bland

Oh man, my arms are strong. I was washing them in the shower and I was like mannnnnn I`m getting muscles. I was surprised at myself.
And that crazy Katy Perry. How does she write such catchy songs? They're so dumb but I love listening to them.
So Katelyn and I went to see Yes Man last night, and it was actually very entertaining. Lately Jim Carrey movies have been pretty disappointing and for lack of a better word, dumb, but this one was quite good. I mean obviously it was dumb because it was Jim Carrey, but it was good dumb. It was the first movie to actually make me laugh out loud throughout in a long, long time. I'm not a laugh-out-louder at movies, but I sure laughed this time, so that's a sign of a good movie in my books. Cheers, Mr Carrey. You done good.
In other news, I'm still in frantic dismay about my lame gift dilemma. I feel so awful only getting Katelyn and my mom what I got them, but Katelyn said to just give her what I got her and my mom doesn't know. So what do I do! I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a lame gift-giver. I wish I had more money so that I could give better gifts.

Show

I forgot to update on my show on Saturday. It went really well! For me, anyway. The dance I was anxious about turned out much better than I had anticipated and it was all good stuff. The only downer was that the narrator/emcee guy came onto me backstage, and he's married with two children, so it wasn't the best of situations. Nonetheless, the show was mostly a success I suppose, and I enjoyed myself.

Financial Superiority

my pasta for lunch



this random car is still buried






It was so cold today my ears felt like they were on fire, which is strange. They were so cold I wanted to cry. My hands still aren't really very warm.
Katelyn attempted to Christmas shop again today and failed again today, buying some earrings, but it was not much. Alex was being...well, not the greatest she could have been. Anyway, it was really cold and my debit card was being an idiot and not letting me buy stuff again. RRG.
I'm worried that Katelyn will think the gift I got her was lame, so I'm going to buy her another one to make up for the lameness of the original. Also we might go on a date tonight to make up for the one she ditched the other day, and if not than we'll go tomorrow. I'm also worried that my mom's gift is too lame so I might buy her something else. Courtland bought Jena a guitar and I'm feeling mightily inferior. I'm not exactly rolling in it, you see.
Isn't it strange how we can just look at a person and assume their gender? How there are obvious characteristics that make them appear male or female, like shoulders or hips or breasts or lack thereof? We look at people and say oh that's a man, but how can you really know? It may in fact be a woman with unusually manly features, seeing as you can't see their genitalia. That thought has just always crossed my mind. It's interesting.
Oh! Know what else is interesting? How looking into someone's eyes means that you're paying attention to them. Eyes are so strange. Humans are so strange. Toes are really strange, just little stubs poking out into the world. Crazy bodies, have we.
So far today deserves no punctuation. You know how people sometimes miss the period or whatever it is at the end of the sentence, and it seems so empty and inconclusive? Yes. Like that.